To Love Once Again

To love is to try. 

Try even if you don’t know anything about the rules of love,

try to learn from the heart and you’ll know everything.

To love is to be happy.

Happiness that can’t be measured.

It can only be felt by the heart.

It can only be felt by the one who loves truly and unconditionally.

To love is to cherish.

Cherish the moments. . . 

moments that will always be in our minds

moments that will always be in our hearts. 

To love is to sacrifice. Sacrifice means self-giving. 

Willing to do anything willing to give everything. 

To love is to feel pain. Pain that can’t be cured by medicine.

It can only be cured by time it can only be cured by forgiving. 

To love is to forgive.

Forgive the person who hurt you so badly. 

Forgive all the things they had done 

Forgive with all your heart 

And you’ll find true happiness. 

But love, all this. . . to love once again is the greatest. 

Because you’re willing to try, to be happy, to cherish, 

to sacrifice, to fell pain, and to forgive once again.

Somewhere Down the Road

I can’t really never forget 

the first time and the day we met 

in a pleasant heavenly place 

where there’s a beauty in her face. 

There I saw her beautiful smile

like angel in a distant mile

there I heard her angelic voice

that tuned my heart in great rejoice. 

I’ve felt different from before

I seemed to love her more and more 

 thinking her every day and night 

while the sun and the stars shine bright.

Now, all I have is her memory 

 her beauty that’s for eternity 

like a very beautiful art 

 that deeply remains in my heart. 

I hope our road will cross again

at the right place and time there in

that only way that was so rude 

and it was SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD.

i love her too!

I was so numb I didn’t see
her selfless love she’d given me;
now, I seemed to blame myself
why at that time her love I shelved.

I was so numb I didn't feel
her precious love my heart she’d fill;
now, I seemed to realize
her love for me she’ll sacrifice.

Now I’m alone for she is gone
this time my love for her had grown;
I feel my heart aches within me
I don’t know why it came to be.

And I realized I’m in love
I swear it from heaven above;
I felt my heart turn to pieces
why I neglected her sweet caress.

Now, I've this kind of rue
when I saw her with someone new;
Now, it’s too late in doing so
to tell her that I LOVE HER TOO!

Bakit Nasa Huli Ang Pagsisisi?

May mga bagay na nalalaman natin sa huli. At ang mga bagay na ito ay s’yang nagsasabi sa atin na may kulang pala sa ating mga nagawa. Mga bagay na nagtuturo sa’tin ng panibagong leksyon o mga ediya na kung paano gawin ng tama at sapat ang parehong bagay na ginawa na natin. Dahil rin dito, nadaragdagan ang ating kaalaman.

Bakit hindi sa simula nalalaman ang mga leksyon ng buhay? Bakit kailangan pa munang masaktan o masawi sa ating mga ginagawa? Bakit nasa huli ang pagsisisi? Marahil ang mga tanong na ito ay mahirap sagutin ng mga taong hindi pa dumaan sa ilang mga pagsubok sa buhay. Dahil ang mga tanong na ito ay kailangan ng tamang pang-unawa. Tamang pang-unawa sa mga bagay dito sa mundo.

Ang iba marahil sa atin ay hiniling na sana ay bumalik ulit ang nakaraan para itama ang mga maling bagay na nagawa. Subalit hindi ba natin naiisip na noong panahon na ‘yon, noong ginagawa natin ang bagay na ‘yon, para sa atin ang mga bagay na ginagawa natin sa kasalukuyan ay tama at kinailangang lumipas ang panahon para malaman na ito ay mali ? Pero bakit ganito? Parang “mangyari na ang mangyari” ang ibig iparating sa’tin ng panahon na ang bagay na akala natin ang tama ay sa huli hindi pala? Pero may iba naman na alam natin na nagiging mali ito sa huli kaya iniiwasan na lamang itong gawin. Pero bakit ang kadalasang nangyayari ay ang kabaliktaran? Bakit nasa huli lagi ang pagsisisi? Marahil ito ang dahilan kung bakit ang iba ay kinukuha ang sariling buhay.

Bakit ganito lagi ang buhay ng tao, na kung bakit nagiging mali ang mga bagay na inakalang tama noong araw na ginagawa pa lamang ito? Bakit nga ba? Naisip n’yo rin ba ito? Tama rin naman diba?

Ang pagsisising ito marahil ang nagtuturo sa’tin ng mga bagay na dapat nating ginawa noong araw. Ang mga ginawang bagay na inakalang sapat na ngunit kulang pa. Ang mga ginagawa natin ay sinusubok ng panahon kung ito ay matatag at kung kailangan pang patatagin para sa darating pang araw. Subalit may mga bagay na kung nalaman na natin na kulang ang ating ginawa, ito’y hindi na bumabalik at maaaring hindi na maibalik pa ng tuluyan.

Ako naman, ay umaasa na may isa pang pagkakataon para sa’kin, pagkakataon para mapunan ko ang mga pagkukulang at maitama ang mga mali ko. Sinasabi ko ito sa isang tao na mahal sa buhay ko na minsan ko nang nasaktan. (Patawad – lab u!)

Ito ang ibinigay na kaalaman sa’kin, ang ayusin ang buhay para sa ikalawang pagkakataong ibibigay sa’kin at pang unawa sa mga bagay na huli na kung dumarating, ang pagsisisi. Para sa inyo, kailangan n’yo lang bigyan ng panahaon ang sarili para malaman kung ano ang inyong mga dapat gawin para walang maiba sa buhay n’yo kung may nalaman na pagbabago.

si tatay. . .

mula pagkabata, si tatay, lagi s'yang wala sa bahay, lumalabas sa gabi, sa ikalawang araw na umuuwi. hindi ko alam kung bakit, hindi naman ako sinabihan ng aking nanay. akala ko tuloy meron silang tampuhan. hindi rin sya minsan nagpapaalam kung umaalis. kung umuwi naman ay laging natutulog. hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa nya na tila pagod na pagod s'ya parati.

mula pagkabata, si tatay, lagi niya akong pinapagalitan. hindi ko naman alam minsan ang aking kasalanan. pinapalo, binubogbog, sinisipa. minsan, nagtatanong ako sa aking sarili kung may mali ba akong nagawa. kaya mula noon, natatakot akong makita s'ya. naisipan ko naring hindi magpakita sa kanya, umiwas. pero sa iisa lang ang aming bahay, at ako ay nakatira sa bahay n'ya, hindi ko namang maiwasan na s'ya ay mapansin.

mula pagkabata, si tatay, hindi ko maintindihan lahat ng kanyang mga ginagawa. hindi naman n'ya ipinapa-intindi. magtanong man ako, pinapagalitan pa minsan. wala rin magawa si nanay. ewan ko ba kung bakit s'ya ang nagustuhan ni nanay. hindi ako makatingin sa kanya paminsan ng diritsahan. kasi takot ako na baka mapagalitan na naman ako na walang ginagawang kasalanan. ewan, hindi ko s'ya maintindihan.

mula pagkabata, si tatay, puro nalang trabaho ang inaatupag. lahat ng klaseng trabaho ta sideline, nakita ko na ginagawa n'ya. minsan nagtanong na rin ako kung bakit hindi s'ya makuntinto sa iisang trabaho lamang. para naman, kahit pano, magkaroon s'ya ng panahon para sa aming pamilya.

mula pagkabata, si tatay, lagi nalang akong ang nakikita, sa mga utos - ako, as mgatrabaho - ako, halos lahat ako. nariyan naman ang mga kapatid ko. bakit hindi nalang sila kung ako nama'y may ginagawa pa. minsan nga, pinalayas ako ng bahay dahil lang na may inutos s'ya sa akin na hindi ko nagawa agad. pano naman kasi, inutusan ako ni nanay, at si nanay ang naunag umutos sa akin ng isang gawaing bahay kaya hindi ko nagawa agad ang ipnag-utos n'ya. at dahil dun, nagalit s'ya. pinalayas ako! to the rescue naman si nanay. salamat naman!

mula pagkabata, si tatay, ni minsan hindi ko naranasan na ako ay turoan sa aking pag-aaral. hindi rin kinumusta kung ano na mga grades ko. basta nagbibigay s'ya ng pangpa-aral sa akin, sa kanya ay okay na. kaya ito, nahihirapan sa pag-aaral sa kursong hindi ko naman ginusto. bahala na.

mula pagkabata, si tatay, hindi ko narinig sa kanya na mahal n'ya ako. kahit paulit-ulit ko pa mang sabihin sa kanya ang katagang, "tatay, i love you!" yun bang, wala lang. deadma. pano ko malalaman na sa kanyang ginagawa at ipinapakita, ay pagmamahal na? mahal n'ya ba ako nung sinuntok at sinipa nya ako? wala akong magawa. tatay ko e. pero sa kabila ng lahat, ito pa rin ako, buhay. salamat naman.

mula pagkabata, si tatay, kung ako ma'y umuwi galing sa skwela, hindi man lamang ako kinumusta. pag-uwi galing tacloban, trabaho agad ang bukambibig n'ya. ewan, parang ngayon ako ay nasasanay nalang. kaya nga minsan, hindi nalang ako umuuwi sa can-avid para lang hindi makita si tatay. gusto namang gawin ang mga bagay na dapat ginagawa na ng isang lalakeng katulad ko sa edad na ito.

nung summer, April 2010. . .lahat ay nagbago. . .

napag-isip-isip ko, nung mga araw na hindi s'ya umuuwi sa bahay, nung mga araw sa wala s'ya sa bahay kasama namin, mga araw na ginugol n'ya sa trabaho na halos wala nang oras para sa amin, ang mga araw na yun, ay dapat ko palang ipagpasalamat! kung hindi niya ginawa yun, wala na kami ngayon. yun lang paala ang isang bagay na dapat gawin talaga ng tatay. mga bagay na kung saan ay pinag kukunan namin ng ikabubuhay.

napag-isip-isip ko, nung mga araw na lagi n'ya akong pinapalo, binubogbog at sinisipa, ang mga araw na yun, ay dapat ko ring iapag pasalamat! kung hindi n'ya ginawa yun, hindi ko makikita kung ano ako ngayon. sa mga pagdidisiplina n'yang parang hindi makatao kung minsan, yun pala, para mas madali kung maintindihan ang kahalagahan ng mga bagay sa buhay. yun bang, parang inihahanda n'ya ako sa buhay ng isang ganap na lalake, isang tao.

napag-isip-isp ko, maswerte p pala ako. sa mga utos na sobra-sobra, sa mga bagay hindi ko ginusto, sa mga bagay na kung saan ako ay nagalit sa kanya paminsan, ay ang mga bagay rin pala na s'yang magiging dahilan ng aming pagkakasundo, pagkakaisa. dito ko naramdaman kung gaano n'ya ako kamahal. hindi man n'ya nasabi ng harapan, yun pala, ay nasabi na n'ya sa mga simpleng bagay na ginawa nya noon, sa akin, sa pamilya namin. mas minabuti pa nyang gawin na lang kung ano ang magagawa n'ya.

minsan naisip ko, na sa aking pag-aaral, kaya pala hindi n'ya ako tinuturoan, ay nakita kong kaya ko naman pala. at sa mga bagay na hindi ko kaya, ay nariyan naman s'ya. parang nariyan lang sya naka-alalay at nagbabantay kung sakaling hindi ko na kaya.

tatay. . .kahit kakaiba ka man ang iyong paraan sa buhay, na kung minsan ay hindi ko maintindihan sa noon at kahit pa man sa ngayon, ay nagpapasalamat ako dahil ni minsan ay hindi mo kami pinabayaan. hindi naghirap ang ating pamilya dahil sa'yo. saludo talaga ako sa'yo tatay. wala akong masabi, hindi ko maisip kung kaya kong gawin ang mga nagawa mo sa'min. napaka-laking bagay. . .at salamat, na kakaiba man ang pagturo mo saking kung papano ko haharapin ang sarili kong buhay, kung papano ko gagawin ang mga nagawa mo, ay nagpapasalamat pa rin ako. dahil dito, ako ay natuto. natuto ng maraming bagay sa buhay. . .mahirap, maganda, at iba pa. salamat! mali ang pagkaintindi ko sa mga pamamaraan mo sa buhay, pero ngayon, sa tulong ng mga bagay na ginawa mo sa'kin, ay unti-unti ko nang nauunawaan. wala akong masabi. . .kundi salamat!!! tatay, you're the best! love you!

15th Monthsary. . .

Zairah,

i never thought going this far. but i am happy being here. it's like a part of my dream come true. i know things is never that easy, but just in time, making it all out, things will be all right.

i want to thank you for loving me, and for all he sacrifices you have done for our relationship. i want you to know that i am always here for you, loving...

always,
Philip Anthony

High School Funny Memories - Alone in Private

Being alone in the Seminary’s infirmary makes me feel dizzy. So I grabb some copies of my FHM mag to make myslf busy. There I was reading and my thoughts were flying when our Formator of the Seminary come to visit. I thought I would be kicked-out or suspended for that act. Luckily I was not. He left me no word but took all my copies of the said mag. Couple of days later when I recovered from my fever, I have come to pass by in his office and notice he was so busy at something. I came to find out that he was reading the FHM he confiscated from me. Haiz! If he just asked me that time at the infirmary, I would have shared all my collections with him. I never thought would he like to do it alone in private! ha, ha!

High School Funny Memories - Biology Class

It was our biology class with our teacher, Ms. Gloria, during second year high school when Mr. Frances Franzuela shouted with a loud voice of trash. Everyone was puzzled by the trash words he shouted. He went to the teachers table to complain.
“Ma’am, there’s a mess on my study table!!” he complained.
“What mess?” our teacher asked puzzled. For there was no garbage or any writing on his study table.
“I do not know ma’am. But the smell is familiar.” He said.
All of us in the class approached his study table to find out what mess was he saying about. We laughed out hard upon knowing what mess was he meant. Then one of my classmate said teasing him.
“Maybe it was done by one of your fans whose madly in love with you! Ha, ha” Mr. Apilado said.
“Yes, we saw your dying hard admirer last night do the did.” Mr. Guino and Mr. Contado added.
All of us were laughing then but our teacher still did not know what it was all about. She got near the study table of Mr. Franzuela and touched the liquid thing scattered along the study table then put it near on her nose to smell.
“Smells like Chlorine. Acidic thing.” Our teacher said.
“Yes ma’am, that’s why it smells familiar.” he said embarrassed.
Our teacher then understands what Mr. Franzuela meant by saying ‘mess.’
She laughed. Then all of us were teasing Mr. Franzuela. It was a funny start of class indeed. She continued our lesson though we were still laughing and finding answers who did that ‘mess thing’ on our classmate’s study table. Until now, none of us know who that moron was.

Our topic was about reproductive organs and by an example our teacher pointed out a quote from the bible.
“Man must not waste his seed upon the ground!”

High School Funny Memories - Bening Especial

One of the most favourite foods of the seminarians was the “Bening” especial. This menu was served during breakfast. There was a story about this food which makes it really special. It happened a long time ago when a seminarian saw the event on which the cook, Mr. Bening, was cooking the said food.

It was dawn and the fog was all over the seminary’s kitchen, when the cook Mr. Bening was cooking the menu for breakfast. He just woke up earlier, and of course, as expected, he didn’t wash his face and other parts of his body. The sweat of his body was falling into the grilled pork he was mixing. His nails were dirty and still he was using it to mix the grilled food. He was kind of sick that time and all the dirt were mixing in the food without him noticing it.

I do not know if this was true but a seminarian could testify that the said event was true. He said he saw everything. Then that day, this story spread. No one eat the grilled food that was served that breakfast. Knowing it was dirty as the story was told, you would not have the appetite to eat the said food. The kitchen personnel complain why there was so many left over and why no one had eaten the menu for breakfast. But no one told the story of what had happened earlier when a seminarian saw how it was cooked by Mr. Bening. That time on, when this kind of menu was served, no one would give a damn on eating it. Instead, seminarians would cook pancit canton or eat canned goods for breakfast.

In my years in the seminary, I wonder why this story is told to the freshmen. Maybe they are the only ones who do not know about how the food was served? Or maybe there was a secret behind the story? How about in your time, were you informed by the same story about the food? Or the food no longer exist because of so many left over, this menu was no longer served? Funny thing. . .

In my experience, I can say that there is a secret behind the story. It was when I saw Mr. Pading eating all the unused food. I was a freshman then. He was in the side of the canteen where no one can see him. Then I asked, was this story told for the benefit of the higher years? So that the freshmen could buy canned goods or any other food that the seniors may asked of them? Or maybe they can eat the food alone?

One look, and knowing the story, you may say that the food was yucky. . .but if you will taste it, you can say it is yummy! Well, your choice. Ha, ha!

High School Funny Memories - Bulagaan

Remember the game ‘Bulagaan’ where a “knock-knock” is given then asked “who’s there?” this story is like it.

We were all so busy finishing our requirements in Araling Panlipunan. We almost consume our study hour of our study period just to finish our project. We missed the deadline of submission that day. Since our teacher was staying on our school, we plead her if we could just submit during the night. She gave us a chance with conformity that we would submit it right away or else she would no longer accept if late.

That night, during study period, our classmates Mr. Yodico wanted to submit his project. He went up stairs slowly to avoid the noise caused by the wooden floor. He knocked the door and he entered in the bed room. There was no one inside the room. He wondered who let him in. But then Mr. Yodico, thinking of nothing but to be able to submit his project, sat at the chair on the working table. A cell phone rang. There was a text message. (Other ex-seminarian told me that he used the cell phone to text his friends outside the school. Using a cell phone inside the school is a great offence). Suddenly he heard footsteps coming. Afraid to be caught of what he had done, he hid under the bed of our teacher. Then our teacher Ms. Judith, after some time, felt that she was not alone in the room, someone was watching her. To prove that her feeling was right, he saw Mr. Yodico under the bed, but she did not know it was Mr. Yodico but thought as something like scary creatures. Thinking like that, she then screams as hardly as she could and then ran outside the room call for help. She was very scared and shaking when she told our Rector about what had happened.

After study period, before night praise, Mr. Yodico was called to our Rector’s office. The story spread that almost all the seminarians knew about the event. He was asked. . .
“Why did you enter the room?” asked our rector.
“I was supposed to submit our project in Araling Panlipunan.” answered Mr. Yodico scared with shaking voice.
“No one was inside the room, but still you entered, why?” asked our rector for a second time.
Then Mr. Yodico explained everything what had happened. From the time he went to the room and knocked.
“I knock the door, ‘knock-knock,’ then someone said ‘come in,’ that is why I entered the room thinking it was our teacher who let me in. But then waiting for so long, I roam around and noticed that it was only me who was inside the room. But still I have waited. Then I heard a cell phone rang, I used the cell phone to see the message. . .”
“You used a cell phone?!” our rector said with a loud voice. “you know that using a cell phone is not allowed inside the school. Specially, that cell phone was not even yours; it was your teachers’. Mr. Yodico, why did you do that? And the voice whom you said says ‘come in,’ who do you think was that? A ghost?
“I do not know father, but I really heard someone says ‘come in’ that is why went inside the room. If I didn’t hear someone, I won’t be coming in.” explained Mr. Yodico.
“Okay, tomorrow, I will call your parents and let them come. I will talk to them and of course, to you as well.” said our rector.

I never heard a thing after that meeting. I tried to ask the higher years but they also do not know what had happened and what the consequences are.

Later that night after study period, during night praise and even after, we were all talking about the thing Mr. Yodico had done and most especially about the anonymous voice that were heard saying ‘come in!’ we were asking who would that be. We were also scared maybe it was truly a ghost something like that. Anyone may really think that it was a ghost by just looking at the old view of the school. Like a haunted house. But to make the scary part away, the higher years invented a game like the Bulagaan does. But instead of saying “who’s there?” we rather say “come in!” ha, ha!

“KNOCK, KNOCK!!!?”
“COME IN!!!!” ha, ha, ha, ha!

High School Funny Memories - Study Period

When we were second year high school, during study period, it was the time when we started collecting FHM’s and other stuffs. One of my classmates, Mr. Franzuela, has a unique collection which our school would not tolerate. But of course, he was good in hiding things which we, his classmates do not even know. We just came in a surprise when the time comes to reveal what he was hiding.
It was late at night before our study period ends when he revealed some of his collections a playboy mag. Of course, he passed it all to the class for us to see and read. I didn’t mind the thing of course for I was busy reading my FHM. Then I heard some footsteps approaching on our classroom. I know it was our prefect of discipline. I remain silent.
Not hearing the footstep that was coming, Mr. Capito, Mr. Caandoy, Mr. Contado, Mr. Abella, and of course, Mr. Franzuela were busy reading the said stuff. They were reading it aloud so that all of us could hear what they were reading. Our prefect of discipline on the other hand use the back door of the classroom to enter our study room, which is the second year classroom then, that’s why we were not able to notice his arrival.
“Silence please!” shouted our class beadle Mr. Quinto. “Magnum Silentium!”
But still some would continue making noise.
Our prefect of discipline stood at the back of us just looking what was happening around why everyone would ignore our beadle. Then one thing caught his attention, the thing that the five people were reading. He approached Mr. Franzuela, stood at his back without a noise, look at the thing Mr. Franzuela was reading without Mr. Franzuela noticing it while the other classmates begun to silence for they saw our prefect at the back of us.
“What’s that?” asked our prefect.
Mr. Franzuela didn’t mind our prefect but share and give space on the side of his chair to be seated upon. He does not know it was our prefect.
“Here, seat and read!” complain Mr. Franzuela for he didn’t want to be disturbed.
Then all of us laugh for what we heard. Then Mr. Franzuela noticed it was the prefect of discipline. He turned pale and can’t say a word. Our prefect was standing still. Then he called the attention of the other four people who were reading the same stuff.
“See you on my office after night praise!” our prefect said calmly.
All of remain silent for we do not know what consequences awaits for the five people or maybe for the whole class. The bell rang for night praise. The five people, whom we called “porno boys” of our batch, were preparing what to say. Then the night was over, we hadn’t heard a word from them.
The next day, after recreation time, our school was cleaned. Then we have known that this was the result of being a porno boys, transformed to being “industrious????!” ha, ha.
Months and days passed, I never noticed any same did again. But guess what? Someone entered the computer lab through the window to watch videos. And what kind of video was that? See you next story . . . ha, ha!